Your Trusted Funeral Director in Dil’s Funeral Services
Personal Journey
Wade, can you share a defining moment in your life that inspired you to pursue a career in funeral service? There wasn’t a moment that made me want to get into the funeral industry. I left the Navy, needed a job and my cousin, who worked in the industry asked me if I wanted to work where he did as they had a vacancy. Here I am 37 years later.
How has your upbringing or personal values shaped the way you approach your role as a Funeral Director? As seemed to be the case when I was young, I was told about the death of close family members however never go to go to their funerals (not a place for children, or some other obscure reasons) so I always felt a disconnect, Due to that I will always encourage people to not only have funerals but to also encourage people, including children, to attend. We need to face the realities of a death, accept it, allow ourselves and those around us to grieve. We need to change our “death denial” culture.
Experiencing Personal Grief
What lessons did you learn from your own grief that you apply in your work with families going through similar experiences? I will, when doing a pre-arrangement of a funeral where the person doesn’t want to have a service etc, ask the person if I can document it that their family can alter their decisions to suit what they may be needing to help them with their grief.
Professional Insights
What does it mean to you to be a Funeral Director in a community like Dil’s? I think there is an irrelevance to where I am a Funeral Director. Wherever it is I feel privileged to have the unique opportunity to guide families through those early stages of the death and the associated grief that comes with it. I try to make that experience the best it can be and to make those early stages as bearable as possible for the families.
Can you describe a moment in your career where you felt you truly made a difference in a family’s grieving process? It would have been very early in my career where I started as an embalmer after a family wanted to personally meet to thank me for the experience they had when viewing their father. Being able to create time for a family and them the opportunity to be reunited with their person in a way that resembles the memories they have of them prior to their illness or death has been very rewarding.
What is the most rewarding aspect of guiding families through such a difficult time, and how do you stay motivated in your role? Knowing that they, and the person who died, are in a safe place in our care. That they allow us, an unknown person into their circle of family to create something meaningful that reflects their needs. There is a lot of trust they have in us.
Supporting Families
When families come to you in their time of need, how do you help them find comfort and clarity amidst their grief? By creating a plan and mapping out for them what the coming days will look like and by giving them the opportunity to allow them to have space to grieve while most of the elements are being taken care of on their behalf.
Can you share a story of a particularly meaningful or unique funeral service that you helped arrange? How did it reflect the life of the person being honoured? Im not sure how to answer this one with a specific funeral in mind. I think this is just something that we have seen more and more of over the years. We have seen service sheets being more personalised, photo tributes reflecting the persons life, personalised caskets, funerals at the persons home or a place personal to them like a club, personal items on or around than casket rather than flowers, cars motorbikes, surfboard etc… that all co beyond the framework of the traditional funeral to make it more relevant to the life of the person who has died.
Coping Mechanisms
Given the emotional demands of your job, how do you ensure you take care of your own mental and emotional well-being? Family, friends and hobbies. In this industry, because of how rewarding it can be, we can often make it our hobby and early in our career we often will put it first, even over family and friends however, over time, I managed to get better and finding that “work life balance”. Maybe it’s an age thing but once that balance is found you find new reserves of energy to give to both.
What advice would you give to other Funeral Directors or those considering entering the profession about managing the emotional challenges of the role? Share how you are feeling with others, even if they don’t get it. Allow your workplace to be your safe place. The people we work with will have a better understanding of what you might be going through if it relates to work than what you family or friends may have. Use supervision and/or counselling when you feel things are getting the better of you, don’t just “suck it up”. Get a life, have interests outside work that you look forward to and that allow you to switch off. Realise that the tough moments or the challenging funerals are not the constant and question yourself why things feel that way. Also allow yourself to step out of the industry, to have it to come back to. Sometimes what is going on in our non-work life can be overwhelming, so we need to look after ourselves and to know that at that particular time we cannot add the challenges that this industry can present us with to what is already difficult.
Advice for Grieving Families
What are some common misconceptions about grief that you often encounter, and how do you help families navigate through them? People think that having a funeral will bring “closure” and I really struggle with that word. As much as possible I try to give an understanding that funerals are vital to the realisation and recognition that someone has died and that by having a funeral we are acknowledging that life and the impact it had on us, good bad or otherwise. We can then start to come to terms with it, to learn how to start to live with it. Knowing that there will be challenges and relief, good moments and tough moments and that it’s normal and it will get easier to live with over time however that time frame will vary for everyone.
How do you support families in finding their own unique ways to honour and remember their loved ones? By trying not to give them a cookie cutter experience. Probably one of the biggest ways we can help families is by not rushing the process. Giving them all the options not just prejudging what I think they might want then giving them time to consider what is important to them and allowing them to have the time to change their mind.
The Importance of Personal Touch
In your experience, what makes a funeral service truly reflective of a person’s life, and how do you help families achieve that? It probably starts with viewing; it gives a personal reality to what has happened and helps us acknowledge the actual person as deceased. There can be a disconnect if all that we see is a casket, it allows them to question “is it really them in the casket”. Then it comes down to the “add-ons” the photos on a service sheet, the slideshow of photos of the person, the music they would have listened to. It might be that there is something personal on or with or in the casket rather than just flowers. The stories that are told during the service or during a reception following the service or the messages that are shared in a memorial book etc.
Personal Reflections
How has your work in funeral service changed your perspective on the importance of community and connection? It has only really changed it by way of showing the importance of a funeral in sharing the life a person has had beyond just their life as a Grandfather, a Mother, a Son, a sister etc
What personal qualities do you believe are essential for a Funeral Director, and how do you cultivate these in your daily work? It’s a long list but I think rather than cultivating them they are probably more the natural traits of a person, just some of those traits will be stronger than others. We need to have an emotional stability, be a good listener and a good communicator, be an empathetic rather than sympathetic person, have good time management while being flexible and adaptable and have logistical skills. We need to be able to work as a team while being comfortable to work autonomously. We also need to be a bit more tech savvy now days. The list can go on an on. At the end of it all we need to want to help people at one of the worst times in their life, not shy away from it.
Closing Thoughts
Is there a message or piece of advice you would like to share with families who are facing the loss of a loved one? Don’t not have a funeral! Even if it’s just a small family funeral it is important for the reasons I gave earlier (and a whole lot more). Funerals don’t have to be a big production, there is a lot of opportunity to do something that sits between a full funeral with all the bells and whistles and not doing anything at all. It is proven by studies, that by not having a funeral we are likely setting ourselves up to struggle with our grief even more. Allow yourselves the time to make considered rather than reactive choices.
What do you hope families remember about their experience with you and Dil’s Funerals? They were given the time, support and guidance that they needed. That it was a true reflection of the life of the person and that they wouldn’t change a thing. That is has given them the start they needed with learning how to live without that person in their life.
