Grief is a natural response to loss, yet it affects everyone differently. The way we process grief is deeply personal, and while some may find solace quickly, others take a longer journey toward healing. One of the most well-known frameworks for understanding grief is the Five Stages of Grief model, introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. Although originally designed to describe the emotions of terminally ill patients, this model has since been widely applied to all forms of loss, including bereavement.
The Five Stages of Grief
1. Denial – “This can’t be happening”
Denial is often the first reaction when facing loss. It acts as a buffer, allowing the mind to slowly process the reality of the situation. In this stage, individuals may feel numb, in shock, or disconnected from their emotions. Some might refuse to believe their loved one is gone or continue with daily routines as though nothing has changed. While denial can seem like avoidance, it is actually a protective mechanism that gives the grieving person time to adjust.
2. Anger – “Why is this happening?”
As the reality of loss begins to set in, emotions may shift to anger. This stage can be directed at various sources—the person who has passed, oneself, doctors, religious beliefs, or even the universe. Anger can manifest in different ways, such as frustration, resentment, or feelings of injustice. It’s important to acknowledge this emotion rather than suppress it, as it is a crucial step in healing. Expressing anger in healthy ways, such as talking to a friend or engaging in physical activity, can help ease this intense emotion.
3. Bargaining – “If only…”
Bargaining is an attempt to regain control in a situation that feels overwhelmingly out of one’s hands. During this stage, people may find themselves making deals with a higher power or reflecting on past events, wondering if they could have done something differently to prevent the loss. Thoughts like, “If only I had been there more often” or “What if I had done something differently?” are common. While it is natural to reflect on what could have been, it’s important to be kind to oneself and understand that grief is not about blame.
4. Depression – “What’s the point?”
Depression in grief is not the same as clinical depression, but it is often marked by deep sadness, withdrawal, and a sense of hopelessness. Individuals in this stage may experience fatigue, loss of interest in activities, and overwhelming sorrow. It is important to recognise that this is a normal response to loss and does not mean a person is weak or unable to cope. Seeking support from friends, family, or a grief counsellor can be helpful in navigating this difficult stage.
5. Acceptance – “I can move forward”
Acceptance does not mean forgetting or being “okay” with the loss, but rather coming to terms with it. This stage involves adjusting to life without the loved one and finding new ways to cherish their memory. People in this stage may feel more at peace and begin to engage in life again, creating new routines and finding joy in small moments. It’s a stage of healing, where grief still exists but no longer consumes daily life.
The Evolution of Grief Theory
While Kübler-Ross’s five stages remain widely recognised, modern grief research acknowledges that grief is not a linear process. People may experience these stages in a different order, revisit certain emotions multiple times, or even skip some stages entirely. Grief is a deeply personal experience, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to navigate it.
Other grief models, such as the Dual Process Model, suggest that people oscillate between experiencing grief-related emotions and engaging in daily life, gradually adjusting to their new reality. The Continuing Bonds Theory emphasises that rather than letting go of the deceased, people find ways to maintain a connection through memories, traditions, and ongoing love.
Grief Has No Rulebook
Grief is unique to each individual, shaped by personal experiences, cultural background, and the nature of the loss. It is important to give oneself permission to grieve in whatever way feels right. Some may find comfort in talking about their loved one, while others may prefer quiet reflection. Seeking support through grief counselling, support groups, or religious and spiritual practices can also be beneficial.
At Dils Funerals, we understand that grief does not follow a timetable. We are here to provide compassionate support and guidance, whether you need assistance with funeral planning, grief resources, or simply someone to listen. You are not alone on this journey, and healing happens in its own time.
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is no single path to healing, but together, we can navigate it with kindness, understanding, and support.
